To the next adventure, but not going alone anymore.

The next adventure in life... marriage.  I am getting married in 8 months and life seems so uncertain, but all I know is that I have a great man by my side and I love him.  It might not be a crazy passionate wild love, but it is a sustaining, supporting, enduring, love filled with honesty, care, respect, strength, and sincerity.  I know that he will never leave me and that is the sexiest thing I could ever find in a man.  He will go through life with me and all its ups and downs.  He will take care of me and I of him.  We will complete each other and support one another through it all.  

I used to have a different view on love and what I wanted in life.  I had felt most of my life that I would never marry or find someone that is my equal.  Someone that I can see myself in with similar morals and ambitions.  I found a keeper and he is more that I could ask for!  I love him and am getting more excited as the wedding gets closer (as well as more nervous).  I hope it will be a fun day filled with laughter, music, and dance.  

Life can be a beautiful thing if I let it.

If not today then when...

In life sometimes I get this trapped feeling.  Lately I am not living the life I want to live and yet I have no clue what I want to live, but I just know it is not this way.  I feel unhappy about my body and "ideal weight." I feel like I am not doing the things that I love most.  I feel as though I am in a job well below my intelligence capacity.  I feel like the man I am supposed to love and be with does not appreciate me and he doesn't show how he loves me.  I feel as though he is so wrapped up in his stress and career that he can't even think about me or how I feel.  I feel like it is yet another difficult task to build up a sense of community in a new place.  I am realizing how well I had done in Syracuse with being involved in the community and knowing people.  I want to go back and go to grad school, but I also want to start a family sometime in the next few years.  I am so unhappy right now and not sure how to fix it.  I need to find motivation to make me happy, but it can be so difficult when I live with someone who is so stressed and stricken with anxiety and can only see what his problems are and not have enough emotional energy to have for anyone else.  Ugh life is frustrating at times and I wish it were simpler.  I wish I knew what I want and I wish that the people I love were happy.  I wish I could be my happy go lucky loving self again.

Life is Interesting

I moved out of my mom's and it is bittersweet.  I could not be living there anymore for my own mental health and well being.  It was time to stop trying to be my mother's mother.  She makes her own decisions and I cannot change her or the way she cares about her health.  I have had some anxieties lately about life.  I enjoy my independence immensely and want to do more than what I am doing with my job.  I wish I had applied to PA school last fall.  I can still apply this fall, but I will also apply for a public health masters at Cortland and see what happens.  It seems like a good time to go back to school incase I want to have kids in the future.  At age 26 I still cannot imagine having a little being that I am responsible for and must surround my life to its well being and care.  I do want to be a mother one day, but want to accomplish much more before then.  Being a woman you have to PLAN so much according to that damn clock!  It's almost not fair, but then again that's what woman's lib has done; get a job, have a husband, still do chores, be pregnant while working, take leave from work, raise children, and have dinner ready and somehow remain sexy through all that?!  Wow... life is interesting.

Well Being

I just took a well being test based on career, socail, financial, physical, and community.  I scored a 50 out of 100.  

I think this is due to feeling a little under appreciated at work, sometimes disrespected, and no one pushes me to be successful or think of a brighter future.  Socially, well that another story.  Financially I am ok unlike some people out there, but I still worry about retirement since there will be no social security.  Physically I do not have anyone but myself to push me to be fit.  I set goals and go for them.  I wish I was much thinner, of course, but most of all I want to be fit to do races and the triathlon.  My sense of community is a bit skewed as I live in Syracuse and then an hour away as well.  Commuting sucks. Hard to have a sense of home or a community base.

I will hopefully be better and improve on life and the quality of it all.

Tonight's Tips From Friends

Live for today, don't obsess over the future.

Do what makes you happy, be a bit selfish.

Eat breakfast each day.

Wait till early 30's  to have kids.  They become your life when you have them.

Be sure before making huge sacrifices.

Don't follow a timeline. Can have a life without typical American cookie cutter dream.

Imagine what you would do if you won a million dolloars.

Imagine what you would do if you knew you were going to die at age 30.